“The pages and my words are my world spread out before your eyes and for your gaze to touch. Vaguely, I can see your face looking down into me, as I look back. Do you see my eyes?”
She woke up with a start and broke out in a cold sweat from the unreal yet so engaging dream that she had. Those eyes were still haunting her, and she could see those eyes boring at her and penetrating her soul as he fixed her unabashedly. Even in her dreams, they did not leave her alone. She was looking for comfort and with each second that passed by her heartbeat rose against her chest; she thought she was going to burst out from the rush of emotions, so powerful that gaze was even in her dreams and thoughts!
Although his eyes could foretell everything that was so wrong for her and in which she would lose herself if she was not careful, yet she was more and more drawn to him, as if an invisible force was pulling her to him. And he could sense her restlessness whenever she was near to him, he could sense how she was battling against herself to keep her emotions at bay and try not to be too intrigued by him. What he didn’t know was that that it was already too late despite all his warnings.
“Don’t get too close to me; that fire will consume you ‘’, his fiery eyes flashed at her as he warned her time and again.
"I want to be engulfed in that dark side of you and lose myself to that bottomless pool of your eyes. I know there are dreams which have been woven in those. Let me just catch a glimpse of those”, she would always tell him whenever he advised her to stay away from him.
She knew he was saying that for her own good, getting too close to each other would destroy them, her most specifically. But her mind betrayed her and seemed to have stopped functioning whenever she was with him and although she tried hard not to look at him so as not find herself weak, yet she felt compelled to look at him. She did not know herself what she expected to find out when she stared at him with that angelic look on her face. Was it some sort of assurance, was it hope, was it the attraction that they felt or was it the forbidden word of love that they did not dare mention out loud?
She wanted to reach out to him, to fathom what those dark brooding eyes were hiding. But as soon as she felt that she could discern a bit of his feelings through those eyes, he would completely shut down and rebuild that fortress around him as if to protect himself. She did not give up. Every time he turned his gaze away to avoid her questioning looks, she was even more determined to penetrate that fortress and help him let go of that dark side of him. She has a way about her that eventually she knew that he would open up to her and release all that anguish that has been built up since so long. She knew that they could help each other, and he would let that guard fall off and let himself be carried away to that comfort and deep understanding that she only knew how to arouse.
And that’s what he was afraid of as well. She had such a deep impact on him as well, that with her he felt like he was born again and was reliving his life. With her, he could drop off that brave façade that he usually carried and be his true self without being ashamed of showing his true emotions and facing his worst fears. With her, he did not need to hide behind that mystery that he always protruded. With her, the memories that run deep and used to hurt him so much, he could bury those in her sweet fragrance and embrace. With her he could perceive a ray of light and he could feel his fear being conquered. With her, his silent plea would not be unheard and she would find the way to lead him away from all that pain that he has been hiding and which only her, in that short space of time, has been able to discern. And that’s what precisely what he was afraid of.
Despite not knowing him that much, she has read so much about him in those eyes that it looked like she knew him for ages and would be the one to take him from that unparalleled abyss. But he also knew that she was not hers, how could she take his pain away when he knew that the day that they will wake up to that unreal dream and fantasy that they were living, the actual pain would be more than unbearable. But he has also learnt to trust her, his instincts told her that she is the only one who can lead her to believe of a life worth living now even though she might not form part of that life after. They both knew that although how right they seemed for each other now, they were yet so wrong. But for the time being the ‘right side’ of their relationship prevailed, and they knew they were together for a purpose.
“Help me”, he said in the lightest whisper, his earnest eyes never leaving hers.